Cruel To Be Kind

A question I get asked often, "Why doesn’t my ____________ bloom?" And depending on what the plant is- I have a pretty standard answer that goes a little like this…

When plants are really, really happy and you’re completely tap dancing for them, trying to get them to bloom… They have no reason to bloom and set seed, there’s no need to worry about the future. They know where their next meal is coming from They know you’re tap dancing. They are thinking, "Why not put out a few leaves and call it a day?" It’s in slacker mode.
 What you have to do is threaten them a little to get them to bloom, yell at them. Stab around them in the soil with your spade. Make them watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Don’t water them until they are gasping for it. Play Bob Dylan’s new Christmas album. You’ll be surprised what a little abuse will bring on…
This… is my Dwarf Pomegranate which is now blooming like crazy even though it didn’t bloom once this summer. It is in my basement, in the dark, the cold…. 6 blooms and buds!

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About Amanda Thomsen

Big, loud and fun- Amanda Thomsen landscapes by day and blogs at night. Her blog, Kiss My Aster, on Horticulture magazine's website has alienated/enraptured dozens. She co-authors a blog called Plants That Suck that is about plants that suck. And she is the less popular half of the podcasting team, Good Enough Gardening, which makes her feel like the "Roy" of of Siegfried and Roy, but without the mauling. She lives in Chicago and does not EVER put ketchup on hot dogs.

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